The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Words of Advice from Auntie Sammy written @ 12:07 AM on March 28, 2003 Christine-- and to everyone else who may stumble upon this-- I do not recommend living his or her life after mine. My road is harder, darker than what I make it out to be. I risk everything-- sweat, blood, and tears literally-- for a dream, a dream that may or may not mean anything to anyone after I am gone. You may think I have everything figured out. You may think things just happen in my life. All I can tell you is that that is not necessarily the case. Change spurs change. The tide goes in, the tide goes out. A breath you take could cause a storm on the other side of the world. Everyone looks at me crazy when I tell them that the meaning to life is to find meaning. My theory is that God did not have a purpose in creating the world except that He wanted us to find purpose; He just happened to think things looked pretty. It's like an art teacher dumping a box full of miscellaneous objects in front of you and telling you make something out of seemingly nothing. THAT is the test. Think about it some; it makes more sense later. Go out and do it. Carpe diem. Take the bull by the horns. If you don't, life passes you by. Of course, to quote what Jessica once said to me, "Not everyone was born knowing what they wanted to do, Sam," the tricky part is determining what you want. To tell you the truth, I don't know what I want. I have an idea, but an ultimate purpose is something I strive everyday to uncover. As someone who loves writing, law, and theater, Christine, you already have a head start over most people. Cavort in that direction, make some goals, and just see where life takes you. Stake out your claim and guard it fiercely. I know my purpose lies in art, theater, and writing, so I attack those goals and strive for what could only satisfy me and see where I go next. Of that I am sure. But there is one great risk for staking everything that matters on your work, on your goals: that it will be in vain. But if that's the case, who cares? You had fun doing it, and you lived a complete life. Was I aware that people were jealous of me through high school? Perfectly aware. What they never realized, however, was how much potential they had to be more than what I ever was. Those who were jealous had the potential to make everything I accomplished appear to be mediocre. They had that power. I saw it, because I often imagined how I would be living life if I had been them. I just think it's funny everyone thought I was this person who was completely oblivious of what was going on and was only focused on her work. I knew I had enemies, but I completely discredited those enemies because they never moved against me or proved me wrong. All they could do was sit and seethe and be powerless. But obviously I cannot tell you how to live your life. I'm just laying out the cards as they appear from my point of view. I don't have all the answers. Everything that happens to me I purposely planned to fall into place. To clarify, if I wanted to get a job in the theater this summer, I don't know what exactly I need to do to get it-- I just work like crazy because even if I don't get the job, some other good will come out of the work and I'll have achieved my ends anyway. And the rest is just the occasional good luck. What can I say? My guardian angels work overtime to keep me in line. Yes, I've made mistakes. Yes, I have some regrets. Yes, I've faltered. Yes, I am just as lost as the next person. But I keep following my path. Christine, there is no use carrying on about problems you have the power to change. Gripe about what you can't change-- like the war, politics, and French people. :) People aren't just drifting souls; they were given a will and hands to go with it. And one day, maybe not soon, you'll have a day that's full down to the very minute. And soon that one full day becomes a series of many full days. And then you will have no use for the problems that you get yourself into because they would be your set of problems to solve-- and all you'll know by that point is that you just have to carry on and move on. Boy, this turned out to be a longer entry than I planned! All this from Auntie Sammy. *** Got the new Linkin Park CD. It's a winner!
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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