The Diary of Queen Mothy |
How I Lost the Overture Awards written @ 5:22 PM on January 11, 2002 Well, I received some news from the Overture Awards. It was just as I feared; Jacob is a finalist for district one. This should not be interpreted as bad news though; I'm very happy for Jacob. This puts Lakota East High School into a winning streak for the visual arts in the Overture Awards. And he deserved it and wanted it a little more than I did. It does kind of raise some personal concerns of mine, though. One, has my age finally caught up with my talents so that I'm now only "average" AP in art? Two, am I falling out of love with art (God forbid...)? Three, am I letting loose my grip and basking too much in the publicity aspect of art? My mind instantly wants to say no to all these things, and yet my heart is saying, "Maybe, Sam. Maybe." But then I think, "Sam, why do you care? You had your fifteen minutes of fame when you won Golden Galaxy, which is just as good as Overture. Why not be a little selfless and share the artistic limelight with someone else who is just as passionate about art as you are?" Perhaps. But then I think, "You are slacking. You are losing your speed and strength in art. You cannot let up now. You are the heroine of your own tale, and art is a dog eats dog world-- you cannot share the limelight with anyone. Take what you can out of this life. If you give Jacob an inch, he'll take a mile." And then I think, "Maybe you've spent so many years hearing praise from other poeple that you've become dumb to improvement in your art. It is almost certain that this has happened to other student artists, and they end up falling short of their goals because their audiences kill them with their kindness." And worst of all, I think, "Maybe you have the passion and the desire to create art, but you're just not cut out to be an artist. You just read the acceptance statistics to the Rhode Island School of Design yesterday. Out of 2300 freshman applicants, they only accept 38%. Your portfolio is certainly not up to the standards that they wish to see." And then I wonder how all this thinking can come after losing one single contest. Then there's the indifferent side of me that really doesn't, or shouldn't, care about the outcome of such a contest. These contests can be very political at times, after all. I think I know how I lost to Jacob though. He had three incredible drawings of urban buildings. They were so beautiful. I could stare at those three pieces alone for hours. I often can feel what judges think, and if I had been a judge, I would have chosen Jacob's portfolio over mine. That's for sure. Those three little drawings made a huge difference, how beautiful were they. Well, I think, then, that my road has just been found. I have to regain my drive. I have to regain my love. I have to be at peace with my work instead of worrying about deadlines. I have to sacrifice my entire being for my work if I'm ever to get anywhere in this life. I think I may go crazy while doing this, as most artists do, but in the end, they graced the pages of history, hadn't they? I must worker harder. I must work harder. I must work harder. Go to work.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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