The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Real Men Love Unicorns written @ 6:49 PM on August 13, 2004 The other day, Mom had chained me to the passenger car seat to take me to get my blood test (because I have thyroid problems, in addition to being a hypochondriac about anything having to do with the medical field, among other things-- if you doubt me, read my entries on my wisdom tooth surgery, but in hindsight that turned out to be the best week of my life with all the drugs the doctor gave me and... Okay, I'm going off topic). Anyway, there we were, merrily we rolled along, and she turned to me suddenly and asked as calmly and rationally as possible, "Sam. Can you explain to me why there were animal crackers on the scanner?" Oops. "Yeah," I said cheerily, "I was eating animal crackers and I didn't know what a few of them were so I scanned them into the computer and posted them on Diaryland to..." Blah-blah-blah. Of course, it all sounded perfectly logical to me, until I began to verbalize it-- and then I understood why my mother was looking at me like that. Honestly, my poor mother. You can only imagine the "fanfare" it was to raise me. But yesterday she had my father to deal with. Yes, yesterday was the dreaded August 12th D-Day: day o' divorce, the last hearing before all the paperwork is complete and... well... that's that, as they say. I realized that I've been writing about this for about three years, but the trouble really began some four years ago. I went through some of my old entries, and, really, in the long run it's amazing how much a person endures in one year. Or even on a month-to-month basis. Yesterday, though, I spent the day shopping with Katharine and it only crossed my mind once or twice that their marriage was finishing. It's like now that it's over, a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but I'll save my Jerry Springer Afterthought entry for a later date. Back to my mom and her shitty year. She did not want this divorce, but because Dad has to do everything he does on a grand scale-- even the shitty stuff-- it was partially inevitable. Then in June Mom found out that someone hijacked her credit card number over the 'Net and cleaned out her bank account somewhere in the $1000 range. Remember those identity theft commercials on TV? Yeah, it was like that. Whoever the thief was, he spent that money on products offered by every phone company in America. Finally she got a detective on the case and did eventually get her money back, but she had to partially freeze her assets until she finally convinces those idiots at Sprint that she does not now-- nor ever will-- have an account with them. Thirdly, she found out this week as she was going through divorce paperwork that some 71-year-old illegal Cuban immigrant woman from Miami has obtained her Social Security number and has been using it as her identity. I tell ya, 2004 has been a hell of a year at my house. Wish you were here. But now I'll feel bad if they send this 71-year-old woman back to Cuba. When you think about it neither she nor any other illegals from Cuba would have had to result to thievery if the damned government would lift the embargo on said country and allow immigration. I mean, Castro is almost dead anyway, right? So. Shopping with Kat... It was actually successful. After all, we consumers have to do our part to reverse the damage Bush has wrought on the economy. Check out this gem that I found at Hot Topic: Ain't that the truth? I can't wait to wear it around college this year. The moment I saw it, I made like a Finding Nemo seagull with, "Mine." Mine. Mine. I also haggled with an old man at a Middle Eastern goodie store and obtained a ten percent discount on a unicorn statue made of crushed oysters and volcanic ash from the Phillipines. "One of a kind," he said. I'll bet. *** There are moments when I wish I owned a digital camera. Take yesterday, for instance. Before our shopping escapade, Kat and I went for a brief lunch at Wendy's. What do we find? A blood donation bus outside a fast food joint. How's that for irony?
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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