The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Spring Break in Two Days! written @ 5:58 PM on March 26, 2002 Last Thursday, just when things were at their worst, things ended. Dad and I attained peace and just decided to start over. It had been a long time since I felt that sort of peace; I will never take it for granted again. Basically what happened, although I will not transcript it here, is that neither us admitted right or wrong but it would not matter between us. That was the best way to go, I suppose. I told him the truth: I have not been the same person, nor have not acted like the same person around him, since the night I found out my parents were having marital problems. Well, it's done. I've put it behind me. It's a new life. Since that night, the past couple of days have been decent. I found out that Columbus College of Art and Design offered me 2/3 tuition scholarship. University of Cincinnati came back cheap with only $6000 distributed over four years. Miami U gave me nothing. UD game me $7,000 for four years. And NKU gave me full tuition. That leaves RISD, to whom, I'm sure, will give me nothing, if they even accept me in the first place. I am preparing myself to accept a future at NKU. I think my heart wants to go there; but it's so difficult telling my parents because they always come back with the question, "Are you *sure*?" Hell no, I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. And that question always causes me to stutter and hesitate and shrug my shoulders. I review my decision again, and the answer is always the same: I don't know, Mom and Dad. Truly, it is a terrifying decision. I'm used to having the choices made for me with only little influence on what I think, and I always made due with what I had to the best of my ability. Now the ball is in my court. I hate it and love it at the same time. Damn this college process, damn it. I want to make the right choice; my goals in life are such that I don't have time to be fooling around by choosing the wrong college. I want in, learn what I need to know, and get out. I have things to do, goals to meet. I think all I can do is wait for RISD. But then I think why bother? They're not going to give me enough money-- if they even accept me, that is-- to beat a full ride to a university, where I can get more of a well rounded education as opposed to the specialized field of graphic design. I mean, at NKU I can pull off a double major in graphic and scenic design-- I cannot live without the theater, otherwise this wouldn't matter so much to me. I can get the best of both worlds at NKU. But then I wonder if that's what fate really has in store for me. I don't know. And there's nothing left to do except wait for RISD, that dying old dream. Poor Liz. She didn't get into the Naval Academy like she wanted to, like she planned to her entire life. The Naval Academy was to her is what RISD is becoming to me. She says it's strange not having that old dream. I can only anticipate I will know how she feels soon. ~~ In art class, I'm working on that monstrosity of a mural. The principal, however, has actually offered to buy it off me. How cool is that? She says she wants to frame it (with a 12-foot painting, that will be one hell of a frame with one hell of a cost) and hang it in the library for posterity. I don't know what to charge for it though. I'm only about 60% through it. People walking through the hallways always stop by to check its progress; it's kind of embarrassing, but it's free PR. And Mr. Hume and a couple of Sparkies are trying to set me up with Chen Wu for the prom. Can you believe that? Me and Chen?! Smart, extremely popular, extremely successful, hilarious Asian guy going with lily white suburban, artsy, earthy chick with dying dreams and dark ambitions. I'm not sure how I feel about this situation which is brewing. I mean, if he asks me, of course I'll go. Chen's a very cool, very nice guy; how could anyone refuse? He'll be voted Prom King, for sure. But if I go as his date, where will that leave me? I'm not prom court material; quite frankly, I have no desire to be. That would be hilarious if I, of all people, ever ended up on the prom court. God, I really don't want to think about that. I hope Chen blows everyone off and finds some other girl. We don't even know each other that well anyway. Good God. In other prom news, however, I found *the* dress. It's white eighteenth century style long dress with the flowing sleeves, velvet-like finish, the whole nine yards. It's the most beautiful thing. I have a thin headdress that goes with it. I'm totally going to be Gwenevere! I'm so ready for the prom now. I could go right now. ~~ I started builing my website again. It's kicking ass. I can't wait to finish it. Mike helped me to put downloadable music on it. I'll provide the address to the public as soon as its ready, which won't be for a couple month, but progress is moving along quickly. Two days until spring break. Get me out of here.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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