The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Animal Frauds written @ 4:03 PM on August 10, 2004 Two nights ago I was suffering from a case of PMS and I found myself in the kitchen at midnight eating animal crackers. No, I was not drunk as well. I just suddenly felt carnivorous. Right. So. Animal crackers were the best solution. Arr. We all know that "crackers" is a load of crack and that they are really cookies. Why Shirley Temple was singing about putting cookies in her soup I never quite understood, because who in their right mind would ever put cookies in their soup? Sounds like a waste of cookie to me, but you're talking to the chick who won't let her potatoes touch her beef because it spoils the taste of the beef. I swear it does. As often happens when you get older, the charming, amusing things that added glitter to your childhood no longer hold special meaning, and-- by God-- you simply want to eat that animal flesh-- I mean, cracker. In doing so, you no longer have animal cracker parades at the kitchen table, where you pair the six lions against the eight giraffes and chaos ensues! But having since procured the mindset of an artist, I often take the time to study the craftsmanship of these so-called crackers. Because I usually have nothing better to do in my free time. Which brings us to this afternoon's entry. Tell me, my friends: What the hell is this?! At first I was inclined to think of it as a manufacturing defect, except there were seven others just like it in the bag. I spent a long time looking at it, I assure you, and comparing other samples. The best answer I can come up with is "llama." What do you think? Cast your vote. Then there was this fellow: I lovingly named him "yak-thing." But maybe he's a wildabeast. Or maybe he's the Penn-Mutual bull. I ate his brothers and sisters, so we'll just call him "Endangered," eh? Lastly, there was this P&G experiment-gone-oh-so-wrong: You'd think it was a cat, but there's no tail. Then you'd think it was a bear, but there's not enough of a hunch in its lower back for it to be a bear. So... is it a bearcat? For those of you who live outside the realm of Cincinnati, yes, there is such a thing. The truth may never be discerned, but I would love to hear other answers. Hell, these three cookies have been sitting on my dresser for the past couple of days now while my mind has milled over the possibilties. I actually took the time to scan them into my computer. And saved them from being attacked by my cats (who, incidentally, have expanded their diet to include animal crackers, vanilla and caramel ice cream, salt and vinegar chips, and silk flowers). ... Okay, I'm finished with the crackers. *** I bought my books for school yesterday. The grand total averaged out somewhere in the $250 range. This isn't too bad, considering how many books I needed. Hopefully I can get some hefty returns at the end of the semester, though. *sigh* Classes begin in two weeks, and already I'm feeling bogged down. I'll explain more about that later; for now, let's just say that Sam got roped into another project. Yup, she sure did, involving something with art and New Orleans. Anyway, Dad is taking the bro and me to dinner tonight. Must scoot.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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