The Diary of Queen Mothy |
M, the Spirit Guide written @ 4:02 PM on September 06, 2003 This is an entry now when I need to act like an insolent, spoiled brat for a moment and complain how the spirit world is so completely unfair-- never mind my phyical real life. Now how in the hell does it happen that everything can be hunky dory in the physical realm and, to quote Roxie Hart, a complete, huge "world of NO" in the afterlife? So here's the story... Earlier this week I finally sensed the presence of my spirit guide. I had always tried to seek mine out because it didn't make sense that it would be only Dolan and me, but I had never felt anything until one night I was lying and bed and I became aware of three entities in the room: my angel, my roommate's angel, and a third. I didn't have a clue who he/she was, but I had a vague sense that he/she was connected to me somehow, so I asked Jessica about the possibility of this entity being my spirit guide. She in fact answered that I did have one, that she was an elderly lady and a grandma figure, and now that I had something to focus on, I began to channel her better. She's a spunky woman, that's for sure, who tends to wear a lot of teal blue and artsy beads. She and I share some sort of connection; we may have shared a life or two together where she was once more a guide/mentor sort of person to me, or she was assigned to my life because she and I have a lot in common personality wise. I get the impression that she and I agreed long before I was born that this was going to be a challenging life, a "special assignment" sort of thing. So the next night I tried to pry a name out of her. I got Elizabeth at first, but then Emily was going as a stronger possibility in my mind because I had a feeling that this name had a distinct M in it. But she wasn't budging with the name. Once more, I asked Jessica, and she confirmed the M... maybe Madeline or something older yet cute. You know? Christine wasn't entirely sure, but she got the sharp M as well. So I e-mailed Ashley asking about it, and she agreed that it was an M, but she couldn't pick out exactly what. But she did add that my guide is a bit plump and just a little bossy, something which began to make sense to me. Christine mentioned that it's quite possible that she's not going to tell me her name or anything about her because I've gone through so much of my life so far without a clue about her that it was best that things remained as they were and I don't think about such things. Basically, live as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Yeah, easier said than done. So now I am simply going to call her M (or M-ma) until I annoy her enough to at least give me something solid to call her by. I feel awkward enough that I'm not using Dolan's real name, and I want something to grasp to. Concluding the e-mail from Ashley, she said that my spirit guide says I should stop running from my family and go home. M is probably right, but what she's asking me is so extremely difficult because I don't want to engulf myself in the turmoil my parents are in, with the separation and all. It causes me too much pain, my rants about it take up too much space in my diary, and it breaks my heart simply to think about what is/is not happening at home. I get the feeling M wants me to make more of an effort to pick up the phone and call my dad every once in a while and show more appreciation and patience for my mother, but I've been hurt in all this and I'm not ready to do anything with my family yet. M doesn't want me to pretend that just because I'm in college the problems don't go away. She's telling me now that what's done is done between my parents, and it's true there may never be a reconciliation ever. I don't want to hear any of this. She has me in tears now. Why am I not allowed to know anything? Why won't she tell me anything beyond what I cannot stand to hear? Why am I locked up and can't know anything about my lives so I can learn from them? Why is all this so complicated all of a sudden? I would say M and I are off to a rocky start in this psychic business.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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