The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Marital Troubles, Coaching Troubles, and Alcoholism... Just another day at the Reno household... written @ 6:27 PM on April 14, 2003 I was talking to Mom last night, and she told me she went to the movies this weekend with a woman who lives down the street-- Jordan Carrier's mom actually (don't know if you guys ever knew him; he was on the bus during high school-- didn't get his driver's license until this past December-- and I met him once because he sometimes played with the kids I used to babysit for). Mom met her through a program at church for divorced/widowed/single parents/marital issues. She acted like she was explaining this to me for the first time, but I actually knew she was going to this group for quite a while. I found a flyer for it hidden under a green placemat in the computer room by chance while cleaning, you see, and while I was mildly surprised then, I also recognized that she was doing everything within her power to save her marriage with my dad. She told me she had met all sorts of supportive people through this program, and she was on her way to becoming friends with some of them-- hence, going out to the movies one night with Jordan's mom. I admire her so much more for going to this group, even if it means she and Dad are going to fail. "I'm not going to stay in the house and do nothing for the rest of my life," my mom said to me. Exactly what I told her some months ago. "I'm going to go out and live my life. I have a right to that." "Yes, you do," I said. She didn't need my permission. "You know, if he--" meaning my father "-- won't do anything, will let this go to pieces, and is just going to give up, then fine. Why should I have to do everything? I'm going out." Six months ago or more I would have interpretted this as giving up and would have been angry at both my parents, but, truly, my dad is being impossible. I completely believe with all my heart that my mom has tried everything to mend things-- even taking the blame for things that are not her fault-- but now that she has, in fact, done everything possible in vain she is resolved to adapt to things and just wait out the period of time until my brother is graduated from high school. From there, one of two things will happen. She will leave him, which, to me, is the most likely option, or he will shape up, which is the least likely option. Jordan's mom moved out of the house on Grey Fox Drive with her son last July. He was supposed to go into the Air Force, but he's on some sort of medical leave, and he's been working the past couple of months before he can go into the military again. Apparently, his father, who still lives on Grey Fox, has not spoken to him or seen him since then. So now Jordan doesn't want anything to do with him. Can't say I blame him too much. Apparently it's a very bad situation. They're now living somewhere behind The Cone off of Tylersville Road. It just makes it bittersweet that my mom is trying to put her life together, even if it's not what she wants. Take the bad with the good and then some, I always say. I don't know what's going to happen-- and, quite frankly, neither does she-- but I can sleep better at night knowing that she'll at least be okay. Now, my father, on the other hand... He's in a lot of trouble right now, and not just because of his marriage. The Cincinnati Amateur Hockey Association (CAHA) has seen it fit to suspend him from coaching my brother's A-team. A lot of the parents stepped up and said that he wasn't disciplining the kids, was engaging in "goon hockey," and was saying inappropriate things on the ice. He was backstabbed by the assistant coach who wants his position when he compiled a list of grievances against my dad and presented it to the president of CAHA. Then the council suspended him. To my dad, however, that was okay. He decided he was sick of playing with CAHA politics and only wanted to coach the Lakota East High School team. My mom and I were hesitant about this because some of the accusations the assistant coach brought against my dad were false and we wanted him to challenge the assistant coach's claims before the board. But dad didn't want to fight. And I am bitter to say this, but he QUIT and for that I am ashamed. It drags my family's name through the mud that he won't pursue this, and I angrily explained why I thought he should fight the ruling. He wouldn't listen though-- what's new? Now CAHA has contacted the Lakota district and explained the situation, and now there are parents from opposing teams-- such as Lakota West-- who want to suspend him from coaching the East high school team. This, as was thought, was an easier battle because he truly had the parents' support. The problem? Only five parents turned in coaching evaluations, and that basically says to the board that my dad has no support in Lakota either. To make matters worse, three people have applied for this coaching position. SO NOW my dad has to put together a case and present it to CAHA and the school board to fight for the high school team. And now, my mom says, this is the part where our name gets dragged through the mud. "You see? I told you," I said, "I told you both I KNEW this would happen if he did not initially challenge the assistant coach. You give them an inch, they'll take a mile. And now Dad is totally screwed. I don't see how he'll be able to win this thing." "I agree," said Mom. "There are too many politics at play. I'm sorry about this." "I know. It is quite the shame," said my mom. "I mean, coaching was the only thing that was holding his life together. Now he'll be down at the bar more often than what he is now." "How often does he go out drinking?" "At least twice or three times a week," said my mom simply. So... on top of all this other shit, Dad has become an alcoholic. Which makes sense. His father was an alcoholic. His grandfather was an alcoholic. But can Dave Reno ever go wrong? Oh nooooo. You think you know everything just because you're in college, Sam, he often likes to say to me. Well, what goes around comes around. My, my, I can't wait to go home for Easter. I'm going to have my soapbox and my idealistic weapons fully loaded and ready to brave a battle. Of course, I very well know that I will be just wasting my breath on deaf ears, that I can't fight my father's battles for him, but if this family fails, at least I will have tried and can walk away guilt-free. I'm sorry. I love my father to death, but my mom deserves my support more than he does.
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