The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Returned written @ 10:04 PM on August 23, 2002 I came home today. It felt so strange. I was surrounded by all that was familiar, pure, and safe. I still hate this house. I never bonded with this house, but even so there was something different about it. My parents said I haven't talked so much since I was three. Well, I haven't spoken to anyone all week at the university, I was definitely trying to make up for it. Mom kept asking me if I was lonely. No, I said. I'm still making myself believe that I'm not. I simply have not spoken many complete sentences this week, and even fewer phrases. But I suppose this is what it was like when I first moved here before high school. I cannot really remember. I never thought of such things back then. Even going through my litany of news about my new life at dinner, my voice felt weak and tired because I have not used it. It's almost pathetic to admit that I'm a theater/art major, for what use can an unused voice have in these fields? My throat aches now, aches from speaking only half of what I used to in a single day. Only half. But, ah, it was sweet to come back here. I did not realize how much I missed my cats, or the simple act of telling about my day to my parents. I did some homework, gathered the last of my art supplies. I'm going back to the campus later on Sunday. Tomorrow I plan to go to the Renaissance Festival with Christine, who is pretty much one of the few of the posse who has not flown the coop yet. God, I so needed someone to talk to today. Someone call me, just talk to me. But I think finally the divide has been drawn. The chapter has been closed. A new globe has been shaped in space. There is something inexplicably changed in me, and this further evolution can only continue, becoming rapid and never quite complete. And yet I've never felt more serene.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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