The Diary of Queen Mothy |
The Shedding of the Snake Skin written @ 11:52 PM on October 18, 2002 To finish off the rest of my Friday, it went pretty uneventfully. I finished six character studies, and for the amount of detail I go into for my books, it's an incredible amount of work and nothing more than a labor of love. The six characters took away most of my afternoon. I am so close to finishing my characterizations that I can taste it, though. I have about ten characters left to flesh out before I can finalize the "stage" for Book One: research early British cultures, balance the plot twists, polish the cultures I have created, and decide what information passes into myth and what is the foundation of the rest of the series. As it stands, I have 43 characters recorded in what I call "Fantasm's Thousand Soul Cast." And those are just for characters listed in Books One through Three. I will need to rewrite the Book of Culture, AKA the Idiot's Guide to Surviving the Central Continent of Fantasm (for those of you who have no idea what I'm rambling about, don't worry about it), but I can probably do that while writing Book One simultaneously. Ah, the wonders of grand schemes. I cannot help but bubble over the thick magic of a new type of creation. My artistic welding aside, I went to a "coffeehouse" sponsored by the NKU Honors Scholars this evening. Just for the hell of it, really. But what a treat! Free coffee and treats, plus the readings of students' poetry, stories, and composed music. And not to mention the wonderful people there. At long last, I was with people. Real people. And this was such a change, because my limited social group consists of theater majors who live lives that are not quite real, lives that are never woken from the lethargic dream of stagelights. Everyday I wonder if I am friends with the "real person" under the actor, and everyday I am further from knowing. But these were real people talking about important things. There were debates. There was intelligent conversation, refreshing ideas of society and forefront issues. I was myself, truly myself, not someone pretending with other pretenders. I relished every word, and they listened to me. They listened. They spoke. Before we knew it, it was almost 11 o'clock. Interesting and real people with real problems. We learned about each other, got a taste of each other's world. It must have been five or six of us that made up this little group, and we talked about everything from pop culture to art, politics to music, and memories and our dreams for the future. I honestly did not want to leave. I would have preferred to go on talking forever about what has been on my mind. It was like the coffee had shed away the thick snake skin that was my shield against the real. Because my friends here are not real to me. Do they ever think beyond their dreams, dreams which are beating the same song against my ears? Brian sometimes does; he talks about the world, but we never get very far to the heart of matters because no one else around us understands it. It's almost like we're too afraid to tread from common ground and become who we really are. It's like they relish in the stability the common ground offers, as if by treading from what is a well worn path they fear they will lose companionship. I roll my eyes skyward and try to think back as to how this happened. I am not holding back anymore. I will not dull my colors to please anyone. Those colors came out with the shedding of the snake skin this evening. I feel refreshed and full of hope. I control my life. Nothing is predestined. Things are the way they are because I make them so.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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