The Diary of Queen Mothy |
On the Second Day. . . written @ 7:43 PM on August 20, 2002 Well, my Honors class is sure to be an interesting one. We don't take finals. That was the first bit of good news I heard today. And, tying in with the whole "immigration experiences" theme of the class, we get to do a genealogy project. That was the second bit of good news, for I will kick significant ass on that assignment. My professor for that one is pretty cool. Something else I just realized is that she is the only female teacher I have this semester. It was a slow and coming evolution of teachers. Afterwards was Mathematics for Dummies. The professor for this one is an older guy who is actually retiring this year. He makes math games on the side. I rolled my eyes at this one. But here's the third bit of good news-- WE DON'T TAKE MATH FINALS!!!! And, while it seems he is rather anxious to get out of NKU and his class of 40 freshmen, I actually like him. He strikes me as a subtle humored type of person. Last was Drawing I. The guy might have been an SS officer for RISD. Very dry personality, a face whose brow is knitted into a perpetual frown, and one to only give, out of hundreds of students, seven As in one class at a time. In all actuality, I am quite scared for the drawing class. I was like, "Jesus Christ, smile!" His excuse was that "I have a full time job downtown Cincinnati..." Well! I guess NKU isn't paying you enough, buddy! I will bend you to my charm, evil art teacher. Why? Because I am Sam Reno-- and therefore have the power to do that to my art teachers! The status of my social life? It is almost nonexistant. I meet strangers. And then I'll run into these strangers at meal time and we'll sit and chat about shallow, run-of-the-mill sort of topics that characterize "small talk." I don't mind being alone, and I'm actually happy that I have a lot of homework. But I also know it's a dangerous thing to use school work as a barrier against the outside world. I don't want to set up a barrier. But with each social wall that I tear down, a new one seems to come up. I've met hundreds of people, memorized dozens of names better than what I could in high school, but I have no real friends. No one knows me down here. And yet there is no time to dwell on loneliness because there is always something to do. So am I happy? This is a difficult question to answer. This is only the second day, after all. Perhaps Mom was right when she said that I was overwhelmed. And then there's another part of me that says this is all a phase; once a routine is set (but I hate routine!), the dust of the hustle and bustle adapted life will settle. I do have my sacrifices. It feels like I've thrown my security blanket and all familiarity into a blazing hearth. But looking at the larger picture, I am happy. I'm not at home anymore. And I AM away from things that are familiar. And wow, there is a life of reality beyond sleepy West Chester. The roomie and I are slowly beginning to warm up. In some twisted way, we are the same people who have simply grown up in completely different environments. I have a ton of art supplies to buy, but the line from the school bookstore was out the door. I would have never made it to my class on time. Theater auditions for three shows are taking place as we speak. I am not trying out this time because I didn't have enough time notice to prepare any Shakespearean monologue for "Twelfth Night", and I am madly jealous for the people who are auditioning. I feel like I've somehow betrayed myself by not staying on top of things, and that I've betrayed the theater for forsaking it this once. Next show, I promise myself. Even if I would have been rejected, I would have loved to have auditioned. And knowing the churning current of emotions I'm experiencing, this paradox my life is becoming, I could use a nice acting role to sink into character with, just so I can have a break from being me. But now, I have to call Mom.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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