The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Pulling Wisdom Teeth Makes You Stupid written @ 3:46 PM on August 02, 2003 It's now time for . . . drum roll . . . Hypochondriac Sam, brought to you from the same people who unleashed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Sam and ADHD-Deep-At-Heart Sam, reminding folks at home that while it may never be good to drink your coffee with a higher sugar-to-coffee ratio, it does make life more skippy . . . This morning at ten (practically dawn for me), Mother took me to the surgeon who is slotted to remove my wisdom teeth around Thanksgiving or Christmas (because, naturally, I'm not prepared physically, emotionally, and mentally to deal with anything relating to the medical field sooner) for an evaluation on my toothy situation. First of all, Mother had to endure my bitching from the moment we pulled out of the garage all the way to the point that I got X-rays taken of my mouth, so she was very happy to tell the doctor that "the sooner, the better." I thought that wearing my scary Stitch shirt that I bought from the Disney store yesterday would make the surgeon think twice about touching my mouth with anything sharper than a mirror on a stick (as I like to call those things they use at the dentist), but, alas, he was unphased by my battle attire and the way my face seemed to snarl like a threatened mountain lion. The surgeon, who looks very much like someone I used to work with at Bob Evans, then launched into a tragic soliloquy about what would happen when I was dragged on a leash into the office that fateful day (I almost shouted, "Give me liberty or give me death! It's a far far better thing that I do than I have ever done; it's a far far better rest that I go to than I have ever known," as I would rather face the guillotine than endure routine surgery), but I really didn't hear what the doctor was saying except for the words, "A small prick of anesthetic," "pain," "discomfort," "blood pits," "complications," "infections," and the such. Finally he handed me a pamphlet and, with a Dr. Jekyll smile that was anything but reassuring, shook my hand before departing to his next victim... I mean, patient. I read this pamphlet on the way home, and the following is a list of things that COULD go wrong for someone who is getting her wisdom teeth pulled: 1. Intense pain a few hours after surgery, with swelling that could peak on the third or fourth post-operative day. 2. Recurring swelling, signaling possible infection. 3. Stiffness of muscles around mouth. 4. Slight earache and/or throbbing of the side of the jaw, due to delay in bone healing. 5. Sore throat. 6. Sore arm, with periodic bruising. 7. Soreness in lower jaw and neck from the nurses with the spiked gloves that hold your head during surgery. 8. Aching from other teeth due to referred pain. 9. Drying, cracking of corners of mouth. 10. Slight elevation of temperature. 11. Bruising in mouth. 12. Nausea. 13. Dizziness. 14. Bruised jaw nerves, resulting in numbness to lower lip or tongue. 15. "If you feel sharp edges in the surgical areas with your tongue, it is probably the bony walls, which originally supported the teeth. Occasionally small slivers of bones may work themselves out during the first week or two and sometimes even longer after surgery..." GROSS 16. Bleeding. Sometimes, LOTS of bleeding. *** If I had read those warnings while sitting in the office, I would have asked the surgeon what the mortality rate was. Yeah, so I'm being a pansy about "a rite of passage," as my mother likes to call it. Let me fret about it as I so desire! *** Just wait until you hear about the cavity I have to get filled on Monday. Never had a damn cavity in my entire life, so this will be interesting . . . *shudder*
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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