The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Theater, Art, and Clubbing written @ 9:12 PM on October 25, 2003 Last night Brian convinced me to descend from my proverbial tower and go downtown with him. The mission: to see the play version of The Return of the King at the Aronoff Center, starring many of out theater peers that attend NKU. We met this girl from the department, Kaitlin, who Brian knows better than I do, and Annalyse, who, since she decided to move off campus, I have become a little estranged to and find very little common ground. Such seems the running theme of my life socially these days, but more on that later. The production was wonderful and, in many parts, magical. The script could have used some tweaking, but for a world premiere production of such a story, it was excellent. Brian and I were fortunate to have seen The Two Towers last Halloween, and we both found this third installment of The Lord of the Rings triology to be fitting. Aretta, the woman who actually referred me to the Women's Theater Initiative and basically helped me get a job a scenic designer for the Performance Gallery this summer, played an extremely dynamic Gollum/Smeagol. After the show, she invited us out to the all-too-ritzy Bella Cincinnati restaurant, where the cast was having an exclusive invite-only party. I was such a fish out of water. Dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt, a gray sweater, clearly underage to drink, and looking out of place, I sat alone much of the night while Brian mingled with the actors and sampled Kathleen's alcoholic beverages, and Annalyse and Kaitlin drooled over the boy who played Frodo and conned Andrew and Josh to buy them drinks. It was the theater movie night all over again: I was so completely lonely in spite of being in the room with forty people. But could you blame me? Most of these people I didn't know, or knew only by name. I had this vision of myself in ten years playing hostess to a gallery opening for my art, and in spite of being all smiles and politeness feeling torn apart as snooty art critics sipping martinis and fruity wines and passed judgment on my work, not ever comprehending the passion and labor in each piece. A gallery full of fake people. A gallery of shallow "individuals" who never grasped the meaning of living. That's how I felt sitting at this party last night. I one point Brian caught me looking at my watch and noting that it was 12:30 am. "You're not ready to leave, are you?" he demanded. I shrugged. "Well, it's kind of late." "Late?! It's only 12:30! That isn't late!" So I sat longer and kept my mouth shut while Brian, Annalyse, and Kaitlin made their social rounds. I was irritated with Brian, and the more I thought about why, the more dissatisfied I became. He doesn't understand me one single bit. I don't feel like going into particulars, but the main idea is that he doesn't understand that I can't be out late, I can't be the social butterfly because it's not who I am and, frankly, I needed rest because I had to work on my art all day today. He can work hard to be the best actor NKU ever saw, but his labor is half what mine is because I carry an extra major. And because I carry an extra major, there are sacrifices I need to make to accomplish my goals. And if that means whatever chances of a normal social life I have must be drastically reduced, then I must do even that. He doesn't understand this, however. As a theater major, he is a naturally social individual, a trait that I share, if in moderation, but I'm so sick and tired of giving and giving and giving and not getting one "how is your art going?" question out of him. Do you see what is wrong with our friendship? He's basically insensitive and/or doesn't see the big picture. He doesn't comprehend the labor I put myself through to attain end's meet. What do I want from him? A little respect and a little slack and a little understanding-- that's it. Just a little, I don't require a lot. Whew. Okay, that was a little longer of a tangent than I had intended to throw. I vented most of the morning to Tricia about it, who agrees with my sentiments (or so she said, if to get me to shut up), but God knows nothing is ever finished for me until I put it down in my diary, so here it is. Today, after a breakfast, I went to a local coffeehouse and finished off my photography series on coffeehouses. This place I found nearby Krogers off campus is charming-- and has free internet wireless access. I'm thinking I'm going to make a full conversion to being a modern bohemian writer and work on my novels in this place. Afterwards, I developed my film and worked all afternoon until dinner in the darkroom doing fine prints of the coffeehouses. I need new chemicals; my fixer has just about bit the dust. At dinner I met Dan. Please refrain from rolling your eyes. This morning I had wondered if he had lost interest in pursuing me, but dinner confirmed that he is a rather patient individual when it comes to such matters-- so the proverbial hunter is still on my tracks. I think it's time to play "even harder to get," eh? After dinner I returned to the fine arts building to work on my self-portrait. It's coming along rather well. It's difficult to do this one because I'm working in near-complete darkness, but overall I'm content with its progress. I've decided it's more about leaving troubles behind and moving on with life, and it's a piece I considered giving to my dad. He would never understand its meaning, but because he has asked for my work to decorate his apartment-- a request I resent due to principle-- I kind of composed it with him in mind. So now that I'm back at the dorm, I'm off on a new adventure. What's that? Well, you'll never believe I'm about to do this, but the girls in the hall are going to a small club where an '80s band is playing tonight... Yes, you read that right, Sam is going clubbing. Never thought you'd hear about this, did you? Believe me, I'm slightly apprehensive about the whole idea... but... here I go.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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