The Diary of Queen Mothy |
The End of Another Chapter written @ 8:44 PM on December 15, 2003 The snow sparkled in patches on the concrete, as if punctuating the brisk weather, and I heard the drizzle of runoff fall through drains and sewer grates. The sun, a warm, distant lantern in the west, glimmered and cast the sky in soft blues and December roses. Thousands of starlings that call the campus home drifted on the wind in their flocks, like they were tides coming in and out. You really have to search for beauty within these concrete walls. I looked skyward and thought, I made it. Freedom. *** I ended the daylight hours on a hopeful note, but my Monday began dismally. First of all, the weather was a steel gray, a throwback from this weekend's steady snow storm, and my roommate Tricia and I had a fine time trying not to slip on the slush. Yes, it seemed our minds were only on two things this morning: the miserable cold and our final exam in international politics. As I walked into the classroom, I kept thinking about what Heather (she lives across the hall from us) recited: Politics. "Poly," meaning "many." "Tics," meaning "blood-sucking insects." My politics professor certainly gave that turn of wit new meaning for me this semester; he's practically convinced me how much the U.S. sucks in foreign affairs and right now moving to Canada doesn't seem like too bad an idea. However, as I had a 98% going into the final exam and studied my ass off all weekend memorizing political ideologies in waging law, economics, and the conduction of morality and human rights worldwide, I tried to go in with a hopeful air. As I began the exam, my thoughts turned strangely to my friend Kat, who gave me an unusual card a few months ago that illustrated a cartooned "romantic" holding flowers and walking blindly off a cliff where a pack of rabid hounds waited to tear him to bits. The caption of the card read, "Another romantic enters the world." Even now, it fits our mutual wry sense of humor, and I drew frightening parallels to my situation sitting in class taking this friggin' exam. Thus, I don't hold too much hope for the results of the final. I am convinced that if I wasn't an art and theater major I would definitely be studying to be a diplomat, but the blow factor on this particular exam was a solid ten. I'll be lucky if my final average in that class is sitting above a 90 percent. After I left the classroom and never looked back, I attempted selling my five textbooks back to the bookstore. They accepted only two of them and gave me $30, but suggested I try the off-campus bookstore to see if they would accept them. I think I'll do that tomorrow, because Heaven knows I need any spare cash I can wager. My archaeology exam was pitifully unlike my politics final, and I think I managed to pull of a solid A in that class. No worries there. I completed my scenic design project, received my final project back from photography, made to-do lists religiously on the hour, and finally found myself back in the dorm room under sunny weather. Tricia went home for two days because she doesn't have another exam until Thursday, so it was just me and I began to clean the room and pack up some things for winter break. Dinner came; I went. I found out my friend Amy is pregnant (and I think she's still too surprised to decide whether or not she's happy about it), Brian told Caylah he's bisexual (which took some guts on his part because Caylah believes all homosexuals are going to hell), Caylah is moving off campus, and Brian is ready to declare financial independence from his family (apparently not all is well on the home front). The drama never ceases at NKU, I thought wryly. Christian "accidentally invited" his ex-girlfriend from Columbus down tomorrow and is having a hell of a time trying to find her a place to stay. Due to sore history, he's adamantly refused to allow her to sleep in his bed, and if he decides to let her stay in his room at all, she's on the floor. Christian knows Tricia is gone for two days, so he's trying to get me to volunteer her bed for Melissa. Tricia probably wouldn't mind, and I've met Melissa and liked her well enough, but as Christian has his eyes set on me, I'm trying my best to avoid any awkward moments. This is not to say that I return Christian's feelings; on the contrary, the boy has some growing up to do before any relationship can be considered, but I hate to be saddled with potental hassle and tension. Melissa wants to see the artwork in my studio, so I'll be taking her up to the Fine Arts Center, I suppose. Then a whole group of us will be going to see The Last Samurai. So that's what's in the works. Otherwise, I spent a very quiet evening to myself. I almost want to say that I'm a bit lonely now. I talked to Mom a little bit about Christmas this year, and then I went out to run some errands by myself. I dropped off some film to be developed at Walgreens, next headed to Meijer for some last-minute shopping. I bought my brother one of those ridiculous dancing hamsters. This one sports hockey attire, sings "Ice, Ice, Baby," and twirls a hockey stick. If he was amused at that singing puppet he bought from Kroger over Thanksgiving, then this will surely do the trick. I also bought him tube lighting. Why? I'm not entirely sure. He strikes me as the kind of guy who might like tube lighting in his room. Then again, he might just raise an eyebrow at it come Christmas morning. It would be different, in any case, from the usual crap he gets. I came back, sighed in distain over the condition of my checkbook, lamented over the fact that my job-hunting escapade for winter break turned out so poorly, cleaned the refrigerator, made another to-do list, and pondered the lack of gender equality in the Catholic faith. A productive evening, some may argue, but when you have no exams to study for and find yourself making to-do lists in your sleep because you have no idea what else to do with yourself now that there's no more work to do, then you know your life needs a fixer-upper. I feel guilty for a great many things that I feel I overlooked this semester. I've been very selfish this semester, and I totally need to loosen and lighten up. Yet even with all I've accomplished thus far, it seems like none of it was good enough. To make matters slightly more irritating, the heater in the room is broken. *sigh* C'est la vie, n'est-ce que pas? In conclusion, I suppose I can say with confidence that this semester has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride emotionally and mentally. Spring '04 is definitely shaping up to be much better; my spirt guide keeps nudging me and saying, You made it. Move on. Tomorrow is a new day, a new opportunity to start over. So speaketh the wisdom of M. And what else can I do except that?
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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