The Diary of Queen Mothy |
The Deliberation Continues... written @ 11:55 AM on April 14, 2002 I haven't wanted to write for the past few days, for all I would have talked about would be the hardest decision in my life and attempted to sort it out for myself through words. But Ash said something last night that helped put things in perspective: "When I was trying to figure out my college choice, Sam, I took into account that this would be the place that I would return to for reunions, this would be the place that my name would be affiliated to. I placed myself fifty years from now and tried to imagine if I had any regrets about going to this college instead of someplace else so I wouldn't be asking 'what if.'" This made sense to me. But I will not say my thoughts here. I must be alone with my thoughts. I have not sent the rejection letters yet, although they are written. My parents are in Cancun until tomorrow. My mom said to have a decision when she returns. I will. But she has two things she has to do for me first: call the scenic design teacher from NKU, and my old theater teacher from New Jersey. And with their answers, their words which hold my fate into a peculiar balance, will I choose. Turmoil. That's what this is. A cruel, unnecessary turmoil. I've had years to figure this out. It *was* figured out. I hope Mom gets home quick. I've got to talk to her. There might be a way I can have my way either way.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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