The Diary of Queen Mothy |
It's Crunch Time written @ 12:58 PM on April 05, 2002 This college thing is driving me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. Yesterday the family piled into Dad's car and went to Columbus for a Blue Jackets game (very cool fights at that hockey rink, let me tell you), and while we were sitting at dinner, there entered the Question of Death: "What are you going to do, Sam?" And all I could do was laugh. It truly was no laughing matter, but it struck me as hilarious because, quite frankly, I have no freaking clue what the hell to do! UC's graphic design program was just rated #1 in the nation. NKU is the only place in which I can pull off a double major (Mom called the chairman of the theater department this morning, and they were very supportive of me and my decision to take a double major, those evil bastards). UC students have a better chance at getting graphic design jobs than NKU. NKU has an up and coming art department, not nearly as well developed as UC. UC gave me jack for scholarship money. NKU gave me a full ride. I could go on like this with a thousand more stipulations, but unfortunately I have less than two weeks to make my decision! I keep praying to the Higher Powers to send me some direction, and my heart keeps telling me NKU, but I want to be sure it's the right decision for me and the rest of the family. Here's the Quote of the Day, coming from my mom: "I tell ya what, Sam. In all reality, NKU is the only school in which you can pull off your double major. But that means that once you get there, you can't fuck it up, you know." Yeeeeeeeeeup. Then she left the house to have a cigarette outside. My parents don't know what to do. My relatives don't know what to do. And everyone we called is like, "Welp, I say there, Madam, you've got quite the dilemma there." The answer seems so easy. And yet this situation is turning out to be much harder than anything I have ever encountered. I don't know what to do! This is my future and my parents' investment! I need more simplicity in my life. Everything and everyone expects life-altering positive changes from me. Everyone expects me to be something great because all I've ever strove to do is great things. Oh, the price of success and change! Were that I only like normal people. It frustrates me, it makes me sad, it makes me want to stand outside and scream for the world to stop turning and let me be a kid just a few more moments. My heart keeps telling me NKU. And yet the road to UC is a straighter one and promises more of a blossom to my dreams. I have this annoying habit of choosing the harder road, and that is the faceless school of NKU. NKU is like the teenaged school trying to discover who she is and where her destiny is. She doesn't know what that destiny has in store for her, but she knows that she wants to be as great as the other universities. That full scholarship they gave me only complicates things further. Money certainly talks in this issue, although my parents try to make me pretend it's not. "Where do you want to go, Sam? What's your heart telling you?" My heart is telling me I'm not ready for this, that I need one more year to mature. My heart is telling me that while this is an important decision, it shouldn't have to be this hard. That full scholarship means that NKU is expecting great things from me, that they think at least I can finally give that teenaged school with an uncertain destiny a face. Life will not be easier at NKU. No, it would probably be harder than UC. But it would certainly teach me to grow up and take what I can out of this life. There was a time when the pathway of my life was as clear as the newest of spring days. It has led me to the misty, swampy moors instead, where I can't see thirty feet in front of me.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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