The Diary of Queen Mothy |
A Dark Abyss written @ 3:00 PM on September 28, 2003 A bit of an explanation for yesterday's entry: Within an hour of me getting home from school for the weekend, my parents began arguing about a turkey. Yes, a turkey, you read that right. I could have only assumed that they were discussing Thanksgiving dinner, but what the issue of the turkey was I couldn't guess. And nor did I really want to guess. Whatever the issue had been, however, my dad didn't want to talk about it. "Why?" my mother demanded. "Because I don't want to talk about it," he replied. And that, believe it or not, has become his favorite sentence. So I wrote yesterday's entry because I was extremely angry that they couldn't even hold a truce and keep the peace for my sanity while I'm at home from college. Then I found out that night what the issue of the turkey was about. My mother had approached my father and asked, "Are you coming over for Thanksgiving?" And he had replied begrudgingly, "If I'm invited..." Of course, my mother was already peeved to think that he wasn't going to come in light of their separation unless he was invited-- as if you need an invitation to see your damned kids-- but she answered, "Well, yeah, you can come. I have only one favor to ask you, though." "What's that?" my dad had asked. "I need you to buy the turkey." Well, this pissed my father off substantially. My mother was absolutely floored as to how he reacted to being asked to buy the goddamned $10-15 turkey! He threw a fit and stormed out of the room, only to come back and begin fighting about it with her. Finally he said something extremely stupid: "Fine. I won't come for Thanksgiving. I'm making other plans." Then my mother lost it. She pulled my dad aside and basically told him what a dickhead he was being. How dare he even think that he was going to make other plans on Thanksgiving. How dare he even imagine that she was going to prepare this $200 meal by herself and only share it with her two kids. It wasn't unreasonable for her to ask him to buy the fucking turkey. He fucking left her, and she has the grace to receive him in the house when he waltzes in without complaint-- the least he could do is buy the damned turkey. "You want to come to Thanksgiving? Great, please bring cranberry sauce." Folks, it's standard courtesy to help out-- why in the hell does my father not get it? But it seems like things were worked out. Dad is coming to Thanksgiving as of now, and Mom has ensured that he brings "the extinct bird," as it's known in my family. It still makes me furious to think of his reaction and what he would have done if it wasn't for the saint that is my mother, though. Just as I concluded my last entry, he yelled up the stairs to me, "See ya later, Sam." Leaving so soon? I wondered. Why is it when I see my own flesh and blood these days, it's for, like, five minutes? "Bye, I guess," I answered. And then he added sarcastically, "How 'bout you call me every once in a while, eh?" I replied what had been on my mind for months: "You know, Dad, it takes two to tango. How 'bout you make an effort and call me every once in a while?" "I did," he protested. "You weren't there." "You called me once," I said sharply. "And you left a six-second message on the answering machine telling me not to call back. How 'bout trying again and make the effort? Deal?" After a moment, he said, "All right. See ya later, then." And then he left. And I haven't seen him again. He left without looking at my face, without a kiss on the cheek or a hug. I had seen him for a total of ten minutes yesterday, seven of which were spent wrapping up the pool cover for the winter, the other two catching the tail end of his fight with Mom over the Thanksgiving turkey. Does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture here? Is it wrong that all I want in life right now is to have my dad back? Jessica did a faerie oracle reading for me last night, and my own intuition and the cards confirmed I was heading for some black days in the near future. I wish I felt like a whole person so I could cavort into whatever troubles lie ahead without remorse. But with my family smashed into pieces like it is now, I feel so utterly and completely alone in this dark abyss that is my own doing.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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