The Diary of Queen Mothy |
A Conversation with Grandma written @ 12:21 AM on November 01, 2003 The end of October through the beginning of November is an interesting time in many cultures. Obviously people have Halloween in this country, where the dead are allowed to prevail in theory. The Wiccans believe this time of year is when the veil between the spiritual world and this earthly plain is thinnest, allowing for easy communication with souls that have passed on. And even in places like Mexico, where the Day of the Dead is prevelant, it is believed by Catholic and native alike that this time of year is for honoring those who are no longer with us in physical form. It was only natural, I suppose, that my subconscious ability to sense roaming souls should be bouncing off the charts all this week, which brings me to Halloween. I didn't do anything for Halloween except work on homework for a good portion of the evening. Then I returned to my room and chatted with Jessica online for while. But I wasn't prepared for a visit my grandmother, who has been dead since 1996, made to Jessica. First of all, some background: periodically I sensed Grandma around, but I'm not strong enough to decipher any clear messages. I knew some things, however: one, that she didn't want me to get myself into my parents' mess; two, that she was pissed off at my dad; and three, that I was simply to keep working on my art. Her visit last night confirmed a lot of what I sensed-- and then some. So here's the conversation Jessica and I had last night (edited to make for easy reading.) shortcake6184: wanna know something weirder unitanic2: what? shortcake6184: i could swear i could feel your grandma, the one you said still is at her house like and takes care of ppl unitanic2: yeah shortcake6184: how weird is that. like she just popped into my head unitanic2: I don't doubt you shortcake6184: no reason unitanic2: what do you sense? shortcake6184: concern shortcake6184: a lot of concern shortcake6184: some sadness unitanic2: yeah, she's worried about me unitanic2: and sad that her son's marriage is on the rocks shortcake6184: probably shortcake6184: and she felt really anxious unitanic2: why? shortcake6184: like she should be doing somethign active shortcake6184: did she like cook or clean when she was nervous shortcake6184: like she wanted to use her hands unitanic2: I can't remember. I mean, she was always cooking something. It sounds like her. She had busy hands. Can you get any visuals? shortcake6184: idk, but i really felt like almost a clenching and unclenching of hands but like knowing they were usless shortcake6184: no, not really shortcake6184: i got a small woman shortcake6184: slight shortcake6184: idk...slight comes to mind shortcake6184: but i could be wrong unitanic2: well, she was short, and she was kind of lean. But I never thought of her as being lean because she was always busy doing something. Like, she was small, but she had a lot of strength unitanic2: well, you said she's anxious. Is there anything she's trying to tell me? shortcake6184: that she is very proud of you shortcake6184: OMG i just started crying unitanic2: I miss her so much. She was my favorite shortcake6184: omg she loves you so much and she is so proud of you unitanic2: I'm crying now too shortcake6184: why would she do this with me and not you unitanic2: you're stronger in that way than I am shortcake6184: maybe unitanic2: She knows I can sense her, but I can't decipher messages often shortcake6184: oh sam...this is such a powerful message. i mean it is just over and over again how proud and how beautiful you have become and how smart and just like total grandma adoration unitanic2: I think of her everyday. There hasn't been a day when I haven't thought of her shortcake6184: and not to feel responsible for your dad...he has to fix it on his own shortcake6184: ooh she is pissed unitanic2: Yeah I know. I always thought that if she was here, maybe this whole thing with my parents wouldn't have happened. shortcake6184: ...it is a damn good thing she isn't alive unitanic2: lol She really loved my mom shortcake6184: because there would not be an scrap of skin left on your father unitanic2: Did I ever tell you about the last fight I had with my dad? shortcake6184: she would skin him alive shortcake6184: no unitanic2: She dropped in on our fight in the kitchen, and she was livid. She was standing by the back doors. shortcake6184: wow unitanic2: yeah, and afterwards she tried to comfort me as I cried and cried in my room. she was by the bed then. she kept telling me that I said my peace and that I shouldn't have to worry about it anymore. shortcake6184: she is pretty pissed off at him the phrase "not to old to put over my knee" is coming to mind unitanic2: lol That is so something she would say! My dad used to tell me stories how she would leap over tables to wack at him shortcake6184: hahahaha unitanic2: she was spunky, my grandma shortcake6184: i think you must be a lot like her unitanic2: She was my inspiration. Everyone called her "the rock of the family." She was the peacekeeper between relatives and God knows she was the only thing that held my grandfather together shortcake6184: i think that is why she is staying so close to you...i think you have a lot of her in you unitanic2: She had this amazing inner strength, Jessica. I mean, Mother Theresa ain't got nothing on her shortcake6184: apparently, she is still taking care of you ppl unitanic2: Yeah, I figured so much. It's so hard to explain to your dad how pissed off his dead mom is though hehe shortcake6184: well after this summer, he may be inclined to believe shortcake6184: tell him she said she would give him a whooping if she could unitanic2: lol I will if the opportunity ever presents itself. right now it's hard to talk to him about anything without him sobbing pathetically ... unitanic2: hey, ask grandma if she thinks I should change my major! unitanic2: *lol* shortcake6184: lol i'm pretty sure she thinks you should persue your art, that is what she is so proud of unitanic2: lol I meant from graphic design to painting shortcake6184: you are "blossoming" well, she is conserned about you making a living unitanic2: lol Okay, clue enough shortcake6184: but shortcake6184: she also wants you to do what makes you happy unitanic2: Okay, fair answer shortcake6184: your paintins are very beautiful she sasy shortcake6184: this is so weird unitanic2: aweee! lol So that's her dropping in on the studio. I could never figure out who was watching or if it was just someone passing through unitanic2: You know, I'm kind of wondering if she's aware of the faction of ghosts partying down at the house. When I went there on Tuesday, there were only three or four-- just a side note shortcake6184: well shortcake6184: idk...she knew...but she knew there was nothing she could do unitanic2: yeah, weird. all right, I was just curious shortcake6184: i think it was more of a risk for her to get involved than us unitanic2: Yeah, I figured so much. So it was good planning on our parts to ask her to stay away for a while? shortcake6184: yes unitanic2: cool beans shortcake6184: ohs she doesn't like thsi conversatin shortcake6184: i think she feels really bad that she couldn't help unitanic2: well, if there was nothing she could have done, then there. no sense worrying. I guess you could write it off as a strange moment in our lives. I mean, they're not entirely gone, but the worst is over, methinks. ... unitanic2: Boy, the spirit world doesn't waste a minute on a day like this shortcake6184: not at all unitanic2: is she still with my grandfather? shortcake6184: some of the time shortcake6184: i think for a while shortcake6184: but he has gone on unitanic2: yeah, I figured that might have been the case shortcake6184: he couldn't stay unitanic2: stay where? shortcake6184: here unitanic2: ooh shortcake6184: idk that is what she said unitanic2: Here as is "earthly plain for wandering spirits" or here as in afterlife in general? shortcake6184: earthly plain unitanic2: Okay, gotcha. Assuming then that she's around to look after my family. *** So when I went to bed last night, I lay there for a long time recalling memories I had of my grandparents. When my grandmother died, it had been such a traumatic experience; I was only eleven or so and it was unexpected. My grandfather died two years later, and that time I vowed I would never cry about their deaths again. Somehow I felt they wouldn't want me crying, that I should instead be happy for them. So for five long years I didn't cry. Finally last night it was like a dam had broken. Suddenly it felt okay to cry. And when I woke up this morning, I felt so much stronger. Perhaps one day I will be as strong as her.
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
Latest Entry | Archives | Diaryland |
Profile | Diaryrings | |
Guestbook | E-mail Me | Leave a note |
Art Work (Coming Soon) | Genealogy (Coming Soon) | The-Last-Unicorn.net |