The Diary of Queen Mothy |
A Lesson in Shopping written @ 11:50 PM on April 03, 2004 Today I had a small shopping extravaganza with Christine in the Florence, Kentucky area. Firstly, I accomplished some errands, such as picking up my slides of the sets for my portfolio and grabbing some pastel spray stuff from the local art store. Then it was off to the mall. Oh, goodie. I resisted Corporate America's attempts to seduce my bank account until Christine and I discovered The Sale at Express. I ended up paying $6.35 for a mossy green top that only has one sleeve... According to Christine, that's the style. I just happened to like the texture. But that's the artist in me talking. I have doubts that I'll be able to wear this garment properly. Oh, to be a teenager in America in the new millenium... Christine, on the other hand, opened up charge card accounts in practically every store we walked in to with the purpose of securing the 15% discount on purchases over $10. I strongly believe that my mother taught me to be a clever shopper, and any errs I made in the past as a consumer were due to my own stubborness-- but observing Christine has taught me a new lesson of spending: you make your own discount, goddamn it. As we were walking past the Verizon kiosk, I exclaimed in excitement at seeing an ad for the Daily Show on one of their monitors. Christine darted past me in a flurry all of a sudden, and I ran to catch up. "Just keep walking," she said with clenched teeth. Immediately I thought, Oh dear, it must be Chuck, but then I didn't think Chuck in his right mind would be stalking around in a public place.... because if I was a concerned parent and God-fearing citizen, I wouldn't want Chuck stalking around in public. Sure enough, Christine caught Chuck with a familiar scowl on his face, and "naturally" we had to avoid confrontation. I wanted to scowl back personally, and make chipmunk faces maybe. Surely there must be clever ways to make fun of Chuck! For Ronnie there was the whole "tick-tick-tick" thing, for Crabtree there was the Professor Snape impression. There must be something for Chuck. I will think on this. I was supposed to go out with Christine and the girls from theatre tonight. They were headed out for downtown Cincinnati to drool over some metal band they've latched themselves to. As mentioned in previous entries, that's not exactly my thing, but I was willing to go along with it until Christian (not Christine, go back and read that right) suggested a jaunt to Barnes and Noble. Unknown metal band versus coffee and books I'll never buy? Hmm. I chose the latter. On my way there I had a brilliant idea. You know how you can have a brilliant idea and then later forget it? Well, I rectified the problem by buying a small sketchbook I am going to henceforth carry with me in the case that I need to remember something inspiring or a notion to ponder at a later date. I called it "Miscellaneous Musings"-- because I was too much in a hurry to get started writing down my own special brand of ramble to think of something more clever. So far it's filled with book titles that caught my eye while I was browsing the aisles with my designer coffee in hand. But it has other musings. Here is a sample: Fremo= Latin for "I growl." Non possis distinguere tuum podicem a puticulis= Latin for "You don't know your ass from a catacomb." Tu tibi futeundus es= Latin for "It is required of you to go fuck yourself." (All the Latin insults you could ever wish for from X-treme Latin by Henry Beard) Other musings from the evening: Why do they put the Native American section next to the Gay and Lesbian section? Where is the logic? What? Ponder architecture. Mitchell Maer-- unicorn pins from the 1950s. And our latest edition: Come up with fun ways to make fun of Chuck. Can you imagine the state of confusion my biographers years to come are going to have when they come across this little journal/sketchbook of mine? "SAM: INSPIRED GENIUS OR DELUSIONAL MADWOMAN?" Dozens of grad school thesis papers will be written on this topic. In conclusion of this entry for the evening, I have an inspired quote I'd like to share with you, dear reader: Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est, urbs habet octo colles. "Your mother is so fat, when she's in town, Rome has eight hills."
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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