The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Feeling Mellow Today written @ 2:53 PM on May 04, 2002 I may not get another chance to write over the next couple of days. My AP Art portfolio is due Friday, and I still have two and a half paintings to complete. And those need to be done by Monday, when I'm getting my slides. You'd think I'd be working my ass off right now. Nope. Dad has sentenced me to an afternoon of yard work. I'm losing so much priceless time. I've got to work all today, tomorrow. You know what? I'm not having fun my senior year of high school. I've never stopped once all year to take a breath and say, "Ah, benefits..." And this can only get worse before it gets better. I went driving a little this afternoon. I feel better about it. I should have my license by mid-June, hopefully. My 18th birthday is in 11 days. That's so scary. Yesterday, I was thinking about everything I have to do by the end of the year, including school work, finalizing college classes, finding a job, getting my license, et cetera, et cetera. And it suddenly hit me: my childhood has ended. All I need is 11 days to become legal. My childhood has ended. It's really hard to say that. I still have most of my toys from when I was little. I have my unicorns. I have my memories that I've chosen to keep from elementary school. I have all these factors that have impacted my personality and lifestyle. And I don't feel any different from when I was a kid. All I see now are more opportunities and freedom. Yes, responsibilities are included in here, but that's besides the point. I am not an adult in my heart. I am still the six-year-old chasing evolving dreams. I suppose this is a good trait to keep. I guess I had always thought crossing in adulthood deserved some pomp and circumstance, but now I don't want to be an adult. It's funny; I've worked all my life toward what I would become as an adult that I forgot to enjoy childhood. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had the best childhood out of anyone in the world. My parents are the best. It's just I don't think I, personally, took the time to stop and chase the fireflies; someone always had to be there to remind me to do that. And with that thought, I wonder if my dreams are really worth it, or if they're just the selfish desires that comes with being human. To each his own, I suppose. But yesterday I began to think I've made the worst mistake of my life by choosing NKU over RISD. It's a thought that keeps taunting me. I think it's horrible that on the brink of my 18th birthday that I'm already having regrets about life. Well, come what may, I will make the best out of what I get myself into. I came up with a new life's motto this morning: "Life's paths may be right or wrong, but greatness only comes with what new trails are beaten along the old paths. Therefore, never settle for less than RISD Quality."
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
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