The Diary of Queen Mothy |
Night o' Esoteric written @ 12:59 PM on December 17, 2002 Last night after work, I went over to Christine's house, where I met Jessica and Ashley as well. We had a mission. It was mostly a night for Jessica. She figured something within her soul needed to come to terms with why she is the way she is, something that could only be rendered from the subconscious. So, in true posse fashion, we decided to have a trance session in an effort to uncover a traumatic event from a past life. We called it "the night o' esoteric." I have always been fascinated by the subconscious, the paranormal, the supernatural, and all things related to the older orders, including reincarnation. I, for one, know for a fact that I possess an extremely old soul that has been around and seen some things in its heyday. As for the life I'm living right now, I can honestly say that my life has been complete and I have been content. The only thing I have left to uncover is a final purpose, a masterpiece if you will, that will crown this life. I do believe this is my last life to live on earth, and when I am gone, it will be for good. I feel as if I am too complete to be born again, and I have one last mission. On the topic of reincarnation and how it fits into the life of someone who is Christian, I think that God creates your soul and then sends it to earth to live multiple lives. I believe you will keep reincarnating and evolving until your soul learns everything God wants it to learn before it can go to Heaven. In this case, you have multiple chances to make up for past mistakes and traumas. Out of the posse, I think I have the oldest life. Ashley, I think, is also a little older than Jessica and Christine. In the grand scheme of things, the last two have very young lives that just went through some traumatic events, as the night later deduced, and now their souls are a little bewildered, for lack of a better word, and needed some direction. We put Jessica under the trance first. Interestly enough, she raised a good point earlier in the evening that we had reached a "nexus point." My sign was Earth, Christine was Fire, Ashley was Water, and Jess was Air. Everything astrologically and metaphysically seemed right. That, I think, is why Jessica's first trance was so successful. She was under in no time flat practically, and we had her walking around in the damned Kingdom of Saxony during the reign of James of the Scots. At first everything she described had a very romantic, very 25 cent love novel flare, until she started saying things like "Aye" and "Tis" and "belonging to the true Church under the King." Her name was Sarah of Dilane, and she was feeling sad because her "betrothed" Marcus of Northumberland had gone to fight in the Holy Land. It was so odd because everything about her was extremely un-Jessica. Her father's name was Henry, and he was a Baron. She lived in a large stone building with two towers-- a small scale castle, I thought-- with a small bridge. Her mother's name was Marguerite, and she had two sisters, both married, named Elizabeth and Marguerite. Sarah had one maid, and at the moment in time we found her in, the guards were practicing for the joust outside, there was a tapestry of God casting the devil into Hell in the kitchen, and the month was May in the phase of a crescent moon. Sarah was insulted when we asked her if she was a peasant. She said no. We asked if she was noble, and she became angry. "Why do you keep asking such foolish questions?" Totally not Jessica talking there, but we had to choke back our laughter anyway. Leave it to me to piss off the nobles. Also living with her was her future husband's sister named Arianna, who, as the townfolk said, bore "the devil's mark." But Sarah had never seen a mark, so perhaps it was just a figurative of speech. Arianna was Sarah's only friend, and she went to live at Dilane when her brother went off to war. Sarah was supposed to go fishing with Arianna, something her father disapproved of because it was "men's sport," but Arianna never showed up, and there was a hunter that was probably watching her from the forest by the lake. Sarah told her father eventually that Arianna was missing, and he ordered a search party that went on into the night. Arianna was found eventually, dead, hung from a tree. At this point Jessica nearly started to cry and muttering how lonely she was, so lonely, because Marcus was gone and now Arianna was too. We woke Jessica up soon after this because Sarah was just standing in her chamber, kept out of the loop from information as to why Arianna was killed. This was clearly a very traumatic experience for Jess's soul, and it seems as though it starts a trend of loneliness that has followed her around since the 1600s or whatever year we found Sarah of Dilane in. I'll be searching through some records if I can find confirmation of this individual somewhere. The next time we put Jess under, she went back into some distant memories and saw herself as a toddler and then a six-year-old. Again, the loneliness trend continued. We were almost successful in putting Christine under, except she immediately began to convulse and recall something horrible that had happened to her. We woke her up; she wasn't ready for that one. And Ash was also nearly successful except she got into this battle of wills with a past life that was trying to come through and wasn't quite ready to sink into that state. As for me, I have never been hypnotized or placed under a trance successfully. There are many reasons for this. First of all, I don't know what I have to gain by learning about my past lives; I am almost a complete individual. I want to know about them, but I could not find a *purpose* like Jessica had. Second, there is some fear about what will be uncovered under the very sensation of hypnosis, and I could never sink deeply enough into my subconscious to delve into something like that successfully. My mind is too focused in "what is" to care about "what had been." Third, I have a few pyschic barriers that have been set up, unbeknownst to me until recently. This dates back to my days when I dabbled in some Wicca. The day I decided to stop Wicca because I deduced it wasn't for me was when the first wall went up, the second happened when a black candle mysteriously exploded in my room, and the third went up due to Ronnie, who, to make a long story short, claimed to be satanic, bend spoons with his mind, knew when I was "channeling energy," and basically made my life a living hell my sophomore year of high school by subjecting my subconscious to his black aura and unending pit of negative energy. I want to break through these barriers. I just have to decide whether or not I'm ready to undertake something like that. I take past lives and karma seriously. I think another problem is that my beliefs contradict some doctrines that I've grown up by in the Catholic Church; I don't know if searching for meaning in other lives is right, or if I should be searching for meaning only in my own and not another. The past should not be poked with a stick, as I like to say. And then I think, well, you know a little better than that. If it's real after all, then they are meant to be discovered. I believe Jessica's was real. It was too detailed, too precise, too downright scary to be written off as a subconscious fancy. A friend of mine from the eighth grade, Faith, gave me a book on how to uncover past lives. She was into things like that; I'm sorry I lost touch with her. But it has all kinds of meditational exercises to help sink into trances. I think I'll practice some of those. In the meantime, I continue to work at Bali's Accents. I feel very connected to the objects in that store. They're mostly made of wood and crafted by fine hands. Well, my power is Earth. I just need to find a way to use that power. I won't go back to paganism, but there must be a way to incorporate beliefs so that everything makes sense. What do you guys think?
A Bit of History ~ And Onward! L'Amour Toujours! - August 08, 2005 |
Latest Entry | Archives | Diaryland |
Profile | Diaryrings | |
Guestbook | E-mail Me | Leave a note |
Art Work (Coming Soon) | Genealogy (Coming Soon) | The-Last-Unicorn.net |