The Diary of Queen Mothy |
How Audrey II Ate My Script written @ 9:15 PM on January 07, 2002 Okay. I wasn't entirely in panic mode last Friday when I finally had time to look over my audition material for "Little Shop of Horrors." Three days would be enough to perfect things. And I didn't panic when I finally realized Sunday, after some days of searching, that my script was officially lost. And I was feeling quite calm when it was nine o'clock and I had merely laid out the basic blocking and vocal changes in my piece. I had the music down pat. Basically the only thing I had to pray for, well, was "don't screw up." Now I've never had a day of vocal lessons in my life. And yet somehow I have survived to get major singing roles, the lead once, in musicals. It's always the auditions that are tough to swallow. Why is it that I can sing to hundreds of people perfectly and I can't even sing a straight note at an audition in the presence of four people? Why?! YES, OF COURSE I screwed up my audition for Audrey! Oh, sure, my acting monologue for it was perfect, but I completely screwed up my vocal piece! This is the third musical in a row in which this has happened! Now, you may say "Well, Sam, you didn't prepare that well in the first place. Well, Sam, you're up against damned prima donnas and you're only a bumbling artist who gets high off the the stage." True, true. Yet if I hadn't been so nervous, that part would have been as good as mine. So why have I screwed up the past couple of auditions? I blame myself truly, but here's some reasons why: 1. I'm void of confidence. The prima donnas and the director are quite intimidating people. 2. I forgot some of the words to the song. Real slick, Sam. 3. I should have taken vocal lessons when I had the chance to get that confidence I once had back. 4. I sing operettas. Not jazz. My problem seems to be I'm nervous all the time! For WHAT? WHY? I've done this a million times before, and now I'm so terrified of messing up that I DO mess up. *sigh* Aaaaaak! I'm so ticked off that I've completely lost track of what I really mean to say. All I know is that I KNOW I can sing Audrey's part. I have more desire than Thespis ever possessed, and yet why do I have trouble coming out with it? The most I can hope for at this point is an extra. Which is okay for me. I truly don't mind at all and I'm happy acting as scenery... But why? Why is my voice not getting this right? It's my last play in the Lakota district. I would really like to be part of it somehow. I played Ouiser from "Steel Magnolias" for God's sake! I know I've got something in my blood for the theater-- but why not my voice? The voice is part of the soul of acting... Why can't I get it? Well. No use blubbering about it. Results are posted tomorrow morning in the theater lobby. All I want is an extra. That is all. I mean, I'm well-established in the theater now, and all my positive notes outweigh the negative ones, and I still have a feeling the director is going to screw me over. Well. Maybe it will be a blessing in disguise. It's really not a favorite show of mine but I will support it to the very end, up until the final curtain call. I am the theater's willing slave, unfortunately for my heart. Ah, shucks. I really do love the theater. Whatever I deserve is what I'll get, be it all or nothing. I will still take the theater by storm if not by stage. Such is my passion for it. Well, if I don't get any part, it's not the end of the world. I don't think I'll care very much, even if I am a little disappointed. But I have no one but myself to blame, and I must take this as a lesson: PREPARE YOUR AUDITION MATERIAL AT LEAST A MONTH IN ADVANCE. Yeah, that seems like solid advice for actors everywhere. God, I'm so cheesy. Damn. This whole diary thing is very theraputic. I've never been so calm the night before the Cast List is posted in my entire life! Well, I guess I'll let you know the results tomorrow.
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